Never Have I Ever
by f-romanoff-13
Summary: Tony takes on Strike Team Delta.


They were calling it a success; lives were saved, New York was still in once piece, mostly. None of them were in the infirmary and there was one more permanent resident taking up a cell in The Raft.

Back at the tower they were celebrating a job well done. Maria Hill had joined them, because she'd ran the op; it was her success too. Besides, Clint and Natasha were her friends, Steve was good company, Thor wasn't exactly bad looking, and Tony wasn't as annoying as she'd first thought. Pepper joined them too and after a few hours of drinking, chatting and a second delivery of Chinese takeout, Bruce had excused himself and retreated to his lab for a few hours before heading to bed.

"I know what we can do..." Tony comments once the gentle flow of conversation has slowed, getting up and grabbing a bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet before retaking his seat beside Pepper with a wide grin on his face.

"Nothing good ever followed those words coming out of your mouth" Natasha replied, one perfectly shaped eyebrow raised as he poured out seven shots and handed them out. Tony, with practised expertise, ignored her comment along with the smirks and grins worn on several other faces and continued as if someone had asked him what he'd been thinking.

"Let's play 'never have I ever'".

As it turned out; Natasha, Steve and Thor had no idea how to play; so after a quick explanation, everyone agreed, though some more reluctantly than others, to play.

"Pep, you start" Tony invited.

"Okay, Never have I ever... Shoplifted?" she started, struggling to think of something with her present crowd consisting of Avengers and secret agents...

Unsurprisingly, it was Clint, Natasha and Tony who all took a drink. More surprisingly, so did Thor. "It was a misunderstanding" Thor replied to the look Maria gave him with a nonplussed shrug.

"Never have I ever witnessed Eikthyrnir" Thor spoke, glancing around his friends as no one took a drink. "One day, I hope to" he added with a nod, a small smile on his face. "I'm sure you will, big guy" Tony commented, looking to Steve to move the game along.

"Never have I ever been arrested" Steve obliged, watching as once again, it was Clint, Natasha and Tony who took a drink. His comment drew a laugh from Maria who explained the time she'd had to bail Natasha out of jail in time to get to a disciplinary meeting at Shield. "It was a misunderstanding" Natasha repeated Thor's earlier comment with a shrug. "The arrest or the meeting?" Tony asked, shutting up following a glare from the redhead.

"Never have I ever fallen off a roof" Tony continued the game. It was just Clint who took a shot this time, though he did nudge Natasha sat beside him. "He said fall. I jumped" she reasoned, refraining from drinking.

"Never have I ever stolen a quinjet" Maria spoke over the spies, looking pointedly in their direction.

"What is this? Get Nat and I drunk while you all stay sober?" Clint asked as he and his partner both took a shot.

"Never have I ever gone to prom" Natasha flipped the game, forcing Tony, Pepper and Maria to take a shot.

"Okay, Rogers is the only one not to drink, so never have I ever punched a fake Hitler" Clint said with a smug grin, turning to the Captain as he took his first shot.

The game continued with Clint, Natasha and Tony taking the majority of the drinks, Thor not far behind. It wasn't too long before they were onto their third bottle.

"Never have I ever had sex in one of Tony's car" Maria said with a smirk when it was her turn. Tony took a drink, but almost choked on the liquid when Clint did too. He stares at the archer with a stunned face. "Who-?" He began, his question answered when Natasha took her drink under the knowing gaze of Maria. "Which one?" Tony asked, looking between the pair, bewildered. "One?.." Natasha asked, truthful but teasing. "Maria, you just put a target on your back" Clint warned her. "I know all your secrets, Barton" she warned back.

Tony got his own back by forcing the two spies to drink each time he got to ask a question; 'never have I ever been to Budapest. Never have I ever been shot. Never have I ever used a fake passport...'

Though with the two of them returning the fire on him, he was drinking double, even if Maria occasionally pitched in to help.

The players began to thin; Steve promised to ensure Maria got home safe. Pepper excused herself to bed as the war waged on, while Thor, who was nowhere near drunk, promised to bring some Asgardian ale to play along with next time before he retired back to his room.

Which left Strike Team Delta and a man with a score to settle.

"Never have I ever slept with an agent of shield outside of this room" Tony attempted, curious as to the answer he'd get. Clint took a shot but Natasha didn't seem surprised. "Who?" Tony asked, "Drew" Natasha answered for Clint before he could argue it wasn't part of the game.

"Never have I ever had my ass handed to me by someone half their size" Natasha threw back, smirking slightly while forcing both Clint and Tony to take a shot.

"Never had I ever cried at a TV commercial" Clint smirked, forcing Tony to drink.

Bottle number four came out and this time it was vodka. "Advantage, Romanoff", Tony announced as he topped up their glasses.

"What, because I'm Russian?.." Natasha asked with a raised brow

"Oh! Never have I ever kissed a Russian" Tony challenged, watching as they both took a drink.

It was almost three am when Natasha dragged an almost unconscious Clint back to bed while Tony was left to crawl back to his room, where he ended up asleep on the floor next to his bed.

The Avengers' alarms all went off the following morning at half past six, waking them for an eight am meeting at Shield to report on the mission from the previous night.

Bruce was on breakfast duty, while Pepper made enough coffee for the residents of the tower; which was far more coffee than they should ever need for just seven people.

Steve joined them next, a bright smile on his face. Seemingly things went well with Maria last night and he had himself a date for the weekend. Thor appeared next, helping himself to the pile of pancakes building up before warning Pepper of the incoming.

Tony appeared next, sunglasses in place, begging for coffee and aspirin. "Tony, you stink" she commented as he came closer, "and are those last night's clothes?.." Tony grunted in response and practically fell into a chair.

"Geez, what time were you up til last night?" Steve asked, pouring himself some decaf, the only person in the tower who drank it other than Bruce. Tony shrugged, "Three, maybe" "Why?" "It was war" "And you lost?" Steve asked, assuming. "No. Wait until you see the assassin twins. They haven't even made it out of bed ye-" Tony began, faltering mid sentence as Clint and Natasha entered. They were showered, dressed in clean clothes, looking like they'd slept at least eight hours, smiling and showing no evidence of the night before.

"Better luck next time, Man of Iron" Thor said as he patted him on the back, leaving Tony muttering to himself about 'how' and 'impossible'.

While Clint was stocking up on food, Natasha poured herself some coffee and slid into the chair next to Tony. "Next time, Stark... Pick your opponents more wisely"


End file.
